Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
