Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
