nut hugger
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
