ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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