Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
