yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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