I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
