why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
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i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
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If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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