I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
