imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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