I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.