i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.