How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.