There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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