How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
