She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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