I CAN MOONWALK!
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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