Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
