The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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