You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
