Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize