So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
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Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
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My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
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