so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
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I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
They took my balls.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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