just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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