So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
