I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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