I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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