My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
