I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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