Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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