Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.