What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.