We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!