Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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