she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
