I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
