I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
