I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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