hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
