he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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