So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
