I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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