i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
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