I can't watch pbs sober anymore
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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