I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away