so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.