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Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.