i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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