STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just pee around me
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
