I bet he comes in French.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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