That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?