last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.