She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
it's great music for shaving your balls
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.