im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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