Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
