By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.