im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
