You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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