I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
