Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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